As I am reminded everyday how important it is to keep my daughter involved, it is also important to remind your child that they need to be themselves and the activities they chose in life must be something THEY have a passion for. Not YOU, the PARENT(S).
This morning, while driving to soccer practice, my daughter said "Mom, I like Coach Dave because he recommends me..." and I say "recommends?, what do you mean?" She said, "he always tells me I do a good job and when I do a bad job, he doesn't yell at me. He teaches me." I said "oh you mean commends you!"...I got it!
Being any age involved in any sports or activities. There comes a time you must pick one or two of them and those are the sports or activities that become life long. Why? Because you allowed your child to pick and keep their own passion.
My daughter loves soccer. Her first year, well, she was not that decided. Why? Because she did not have confidence going into a new sport. It took sometime for her to feel this. During that time, she had her amazing coach and teammates that always were positive around one another. NOT competitive. After her coach commended her, and of course, disciplined her when needed so she could learn from the mistake, she now has this love for learning the sport. This is the reason she still has a passion for the sport. Kids often change their minds on their activities at young ages and that is okay too! When your child wakes up at 5 a.m. and says"yeah! today is soccer practice mommy!", you know we are in it for the right reasons.
We have coaches that change the world, and coaches that change the child. We want to keep the one's that change the world. Changing the child to be someone they are not will only hurt them in the long run. Teach your kids "winning isn't everything".
Most experts agree there’s no need to introduce the concept of winners or losers when kids are younger, making “everyone gets a turn” sports the ideal outlet. “Before age 5, they don’t even understand what winning or losing are even about,” says child psychologist Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., author of the book, Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking. “For them, being inclusive is a good thing. It’s an opportunity to not be fantastic at something, enjoy it, and have fun.”
Keep the emphasis on fun, skill development, and physical fitness, with the goal of turning them into more competitive athletes later. “This is a time to try different positions and identify the sports they like most,” explains Mark Hyman, author of Until It Hurts: America’s Obsession With Youth Sports and How It Harms Our Kids. “The final score or biggest trophy isn’t the final objective─or it shouldn't’t be.”
Between the ages 5 and 8, children start to understand the concept of rules, and they’re better primed for learning how to play different games. "in some cases we’ve foisted competitive rewards structures on our kids before they’ve learned to cooperate, and cooperation is the foundation of ethical competition," says Jay Coakley, professor emeritus of sociology at the University of Colorado, Colorado Springs. "Unless they have those kind of experiences, then they’re going to turn into difficult to coach 12-year-olds."
But after a certain age, sports aren’t just about fun and games. They are acritical tool to teaching kids about discipline, hard work, and winning and losing. By 10, kids are ready to start keeping score─and parents can encourage healthy competition in the form of club sports, travel teams, and junior high/high school athletics. This is when they take the early lessons about coordination and teamwork learned by goofing around on the softball field and move on to the next steps, both emotionally and athletically.
"We all have goals that are blocked," says , professor of psychology at Tufts University. "Do we fold up our tent and go home,or do we find a new goal, a new route to the goal and show resistance in the face of loss? It's a skill we need we’re dating, studying, and applying for jobs, and its something kids learn on the field of sports." Like it or not, he says, life keeps score, and "At some point,we have to learn how to deal with loss like a mature adult." Learningon the playing field, where stakes aren't life or death (right, Dad?)is a good way to prepare for future victories and defeats in the game of life.
And what of the notion that by competing in sports where better players shine, kids’ feelings will be hurt or they’ll lose interest? Considering “kids’ feelings could get hurt by getting the wrong cupcake,” Chansky says this is not a good reason for avoiding “winners and losers” sports. “Kids are going to lose in life. If we explain that is a terrible thing, they’re going to become competition-avoidant.” Instead, use the opportunity to instill meaning in winning and losing: “It is going to feel bad to lose─at first─but it’s just part of playing the game and everyone goes through it,” she says. “The big picture is the way we improve at anything, is by trying, by working at it.”
With this said, remind your children they don't have to be crowned a champion to be one. You don't have to win first place to be a winner. Sometimes winning is coming in fourth, exhausted and encouraged because the last time you came in fifth. Winning isn't everything; it's being the best that you can be. Don't wish to be anything but yourself and try to be that perfectly.
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